MADRONE PARK FUNNIES PAGE
Proposed Expansion
"The reason a lot of people do not recognize opportunity is because it
usually goes around wearing overalls looking like hard work."
- Thomas A. Edison
"Results! Why, man, I have gotten a lot of results.
I know several thousand things that won't work."
- Thomas A. Edison
"I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts."
- Will Rogers
"A fool and his money are soon elected."
- Will Rogers
"Too many people spend money they haven't earned to buy things they don't want to impress people they don't like."
- Will Rogers
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I'm Fine Thank You
There is nothing the matter with me
I'm as healthy as can be.
I have arthritis in both my knees
And when I talk, I talk with a wheeze,
My pulse is weak and my blood is thin,
But I'm awfully well for the shape I'm in.
Arch supports I have for my feet,
Or I wouldn't be able to go on the street.
Sleep is denied me night after night,
But every morning I find I'm all right,
My memory is failing, my head's in a spin
But I'm awfully well for the shape I'm in.
The moral is this - as my tale I unfold,
That for you and me who are growing old,
It's better to say, "I'm fine" with a grin,
Than to let folks know the shape we're in.
How do I know that my youth is all spent?
Well my 'get up and go' has got up and went.
But I don't really mind when I think with a grin,
Of all the grand places 'my get up' has been.
Old age is golden, I've heard it said,
But sometimes I wonder as I get into bed,
With my ears in the drawer, my teeth in the cup,
My eyes on the table until I wake up.
Ere sleep overtakes me, I think to myself
Is there anything else I could lay on the shelf?
When I was young, my slippers were red;
I could kick my heels right over my head.
When I got older, my slippers were blue;
But still I could dance the whole night through.
But now I am old, my slippers are black;
I walk to the store and puff my way back.
I get up each day and dust off my wits,
And pick up the paper and read the 'obits'.
If my name is still missing, I know I'm not dead -
So I have a good breakfast and go back to bed.
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Hi Tech Parenting
Lazy Parenting
Just doin' my part...
Two monks open up a Fish & Chips place.
A stranger asks; "Are you the Fish Friar?"
No,,I'm the Chip Monk"
Grasshopper - "Did you know there's a drink named after you?"
"You mean there's a drink called Howard?"
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station..
Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
"Well, I've wrestled with reality for 35 years, Doctor, and I'm happy to state I finally won out over it."
Elwood P. Dowd
“In this world, you must be oh so smart, or oh so pleasant.
Well, for years I was smart....... I recommend pleasant.”
Elwood P. Dowd
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